Seattle (aka BOIYDtown)

Hey Seattle,
We hear you’ve offered to take 85% of the illegal immigrants, house them, feed them and provide them medical care.

At least that’s what we hear.

We will say that 85% is a lot. Based on the Pew Research, there are an estimated 11 million undocumented immigrants in the U.S. So we’re talking over 9 million. We realize that most won’t take you up on the offer. The vast majority work and house themselves and don’t want the handouts. And it does rain a lot up there and the winters are cold. When we were in Spain, contemplating overstaying our visas (which we didn’t do, of course) we put Ibiza way above San Sebastion, no matter how cool the Basques are.

But free food is free food. If we were in need, we’d walk a few miles a day easy for three squares, a tent and our daily supply of methadone.

No, wait. Not methadone. Aspirin. We need aspirin. And Preparation H.

We’ve been unicycling way too much.

And come to think of it, we probably wouldn’t walk anyway. Hemorrhoids or no, we’d uni.

We are surprised, however, that you made this pledge. We figure you might get a million regulars plus another half million vacationing for free.

According to the Seattle Weekly, you already have a homeless problem. It’s…

…a growing community: a homeless population that has swelled by 21 percent in King County in the past year alone.

Only New York, L.A. and Vegas have larger populations of homeless.

And now if you’re going to take in a large number of undocumented, or formerly documented, immigrants, it’s going to get mighty crowded mighty fast.

So it’s a very generous offer.

Thank you, Seattle.

Perhaps we should stop calling you BOIYDtown for a while.

And we haven’t even talked finances yet. That’s the most impressive part.

We realize you’re a wealthy city and that Microsoft is near there. They’d probably support you if you asked.

But as we understand it, which can be foggy on the road, you said, NO, WE’LL DO IT OURSELVES! You shouted it even.

And then to follow that up with an income tax that is only for those who live within 10 miles of the city center-—Wow.

Locals pay first.


Particularly since you’ve been battling chronic NIMBYism, as well as BOIYDism.

There’s going to be major backlash.

We’re impressed, Seattle. Way to go.

Power on.