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Apple Is Becoming China

Hey Tim Cook,

A bit of irony: China locks down Apple’s iBooks and iTunes movies due to content restrictions while Apple rejects Happy Play Time citing its own content restrictions.

Sexual apps are an egregious affront to humanity

Well done, Tim. We think Happy Play Time is just awful.

Women shouldn’t touch themselves, and men certainly shouldn’t be educated on proper pleasure technique. Heavens no. That would be ruinous.

Think of those awkward boys fumbling their way through post-adolescence, and heck, their twenties, before they finally find a kind and gentle partner to educate them without destroying their egos. A little educational app would mean that those boys would miss out on years of embarrassment and ridicule. Feeling foolish is part of becoming a man-—those boys would be stunted.

And we haven’t even mentioned women. Women might gain some insight as well, given that every human is different. Do the same techniques work on every woman in the same way? We’re not experts, but we’d say no.

So thank you, Tim, for not implementing any sort of ratings system and for helping to protect us from the evils of sexual pleasure.

Unless, of course, we’re watching a movie on iTunes.

Movie sex is okay

As of now, Apple sells Blue Velvet. You know, Tim, there’s a lot of sex in Blue Velvet. And Wild Things. There’s full frontal nudity in that one, male and female.

If we’re watching sex, it’s okay. If we’re learning about sex, it’s bad.

That’s how we see Apple’s stance.

And we haven’t even broached the horror of flatulence.

Fart apps on the watch? — NO WAY! How horrible!

But death for homosexual behavior in Iran — we’ll just let that go.
10 years in India — not a public word of protest.

US anti-homosexual laws are bad, International laws are a cost of business

As shareholders, we understand that you would pick your targets of criticism based on market potential. China, despite their totalitarian support of local companies, is still huge. India, that new-again Red Country, is huge as well. The extremely anti-gay Middle East isn’t huge, but their carbon fuel based wealth could make them a disproportionately lucrative market.

So thanks for picking and choosing your targets for disdain. As long as the hate is outside of the US it’s okay. It’s very NIMBY of you.

And all we want to do is hone our pleasuring techniques. Which brings us back to Happy Play Time.

The iOS Agenda moves Apple one step closer to its thought police goals.

Happy Play Time serves as a prime example of why Apple’s iOS Agenda is so dangerous to freedom. Your iOS Agenda isn’t just the foundation for the iPhone and iPad, it extends to the Apple Watch, and to the Apple TV.

“The future of television is apps.” That is what you said, correct?

That’s bad. That’s very bad.

We know we can use web-apps. We’ve done a little Happy Play Time practice in Safari. But it’s not the same level of experience as could be had on a native app. Apple controls the content that can take advantage of that information.

And you know that.

That’s why we’re concerned. You’ve become the Moral Police.

If you can control sexual content, what’s stopping you from controlling political content as well, just as the Chinese government does?

Nada. Nil. Nothing.

We’ve got enough Moral Police in the world, Tim.

But that’s the future. Apple is becoming China. Now we have to choose between freedom of information and privacy. That’s a lose lose. So we’re thinking that a move to Android might be worth exploring. With a burner phone of course, and a pre-paid plan. And cash.